Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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