ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
