i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
