I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
