Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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