So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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