It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
