oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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