Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
