we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
