i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
