Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
