No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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