They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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