the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
