She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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