I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
