bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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