I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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