to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
