I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
