So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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