"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
