It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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