I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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