I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
