That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize