I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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