I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
