he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
a search helicopter?!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
