I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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