it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize