WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
