dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
