What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
