I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
