the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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