I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
