I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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