can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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