My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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