Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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