You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
