Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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