Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
