WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
