I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
