you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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