complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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