I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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