i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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