It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
