yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
