i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
