the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
