Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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