If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
