If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
