Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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