We're facebook friends in real life
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
