I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
