Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
