Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
