we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
