How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
