Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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