She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
