Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
